weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
