You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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