Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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