Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
