you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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