I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
