so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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