roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If its not for food we ain't going out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
