Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
