There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
