found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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