Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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