It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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