you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
