What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
