i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize