She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize