You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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