You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
