yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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