I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
