i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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