What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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