If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
