I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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