She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
