Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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