She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
