I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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