I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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