Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
