maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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