Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
