He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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