Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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