So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
