Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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