that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
