I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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