So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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