I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
