you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
