He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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