I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
