I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
