Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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