ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
