Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
