is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
