When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
