Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so let's talk penis.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
