tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.