Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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