I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes