what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
