i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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