So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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