I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
