I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
