i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
