My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
