so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize