We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
