and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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