did i walk over a car last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You ruined the universe
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
