you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
