the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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