listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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